What is Dialogue? How to Talk About Abortion

During my freshman year of college, I experienced for the first time the intense emotions provoked by saying the words, “pro-life.” While walking to class, I told my classmate about my new coworker, saying, “I don’t know much about him, but I know we’re both pro-life.” This innocent, perceptive statement opened the floodgates of emotion in my classmate, who began shouting, “Just because someone is pro-choice doesn’t mean they’re not pro-life! You are ignorant!” This left me speechless. A conversation about a co-worker had now caused a wrathful response from someone I considered a friend. This exchange helped me understand the need for intentionality in the dialogue surrounding abortion.

A dialogue is a process of communication in which individuals with differing perspectives strive for mutual understanding. Notice I didn’t say ‘debate,’ which involves arguing opposing viewpoints to change the other side’s mind or prove them wrong.  I liken dialogue to planting seeds in a garden and trusting God to make things grow as they should. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 we read, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.  So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” In other words, we can plant and water seeds of transformation by presenting the truth with compassion and grace. God, however, is the only one capable of growing those seeds into new ideas and transformed minds. This is especially important to remember when attempting to talk about a subject as emotional and personal as abortion.

Why Should I Engage in a Dialogue About Abortion?

I recently posted a pro-life graphic on my social media and a friend said to me, “I wish I could post things like that, but I don’t want to lose friends.” I understand her fear—I once shared it. Abortion is a sensitive topic, especially when people who have experienced it are in our circles. But if we avoid dialogue out of fear, who will speak up for the defenseless? Proverbs 31:8 calls Christians to defend those who cannot defend themselves. Even outside of faith, most human rights center on protecting the vulnerable, which would include preborn children.

Abortion not only ends the lives of innocent children daily through means of poison and dismemberment, but also harms women physically and mentally. Reports show that in the U.S., over 1 million abortions were performed in 2023 and over 460 women have died from legal abortions since 1973. One study even found that women who have abortions have a 154% higher suicide rate.

All in all, abortion fuels a culture of oppression, misogyny, careless sex, contempt for motherhood, and disregard for life. Speaking up isn’t about being against women—it’s about advocating for them and finding a better way. If we acknowledge preborn children as human, then staying silent makes us no different than those who remained quiet during history’s greatest injustices. In the words of German theologian and anti-Nazi dissident Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. Not to act is to act.”

That’s why dialogue is crucial. When given the chance to talk about abortion, don’t shy away—lean in with truth, compassion, and grace. opening the abortion dialogue. For example:

• • “What do you mean by that?”

• • “How did you come to that conclusion?”

• • “Have you considered…?”

Let’s play out a scenario. Remember the conversation I had with my college classmate? Here’s how that conversation could’ve gone:

Me: “I don’t know much about him, but I know we’re both pro-life.”

Her: “Just because someone is pro-choice doesn’t mean they’re not pro-life! You are ignorant!”

Me: “What do you mean by pro-choice?”

Her: “Women should have a right to choose! That doesn’t mean I’m against life!”

Me: “What are they choosing?” (Columbo question #1)

Her: “To have an abortion.”

Me: “What is an abortion?”

Her: “It’s a procedure that removes the contents of the uterus.”

Me: “What is in the uterus?”

Her: “Pregnancy tissue.”

Me: “Have you considered what “pregnancy tissue” might contain? Most scientists would agree that human life begins at conception, so what is inside that “pregnancy tissue?” (Columbo question #2)

Her: “Pregnancy tissue is just a clump of cells.”

Me: “I am curious how you came to that conclusion. What is your scientific evidence to back that up?” (Columbo question #3).

These questions have allowed me to present my classmate with scientific information about human development, showing some of the flaws in her logic. Additionally, I have ideally diffused the tension and created space for genuine dialogue. You can use this technique with nearly all pro-choice arguments.

Abortion Dialogue Demeanor

How you present yourself during a dialogue is as important as the dialogue itself. Psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian, known for his studies on nonverbal cues, developed the 7-38-55 rule, which states that communication is 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language. People are much more likely to hear and trust you when you have appropriate body language. Simple habits like maintaining eye contact, good posture, and appropriate voice tone can communicate to your pro-choice friend that you care and respect them.

A good example of someone who displays a respectful demeanor is Live Action founder Lila Rose. In a recent Jubilee “Surrounded” YouTube video, Lila exhibits good posture, maintains eye contact, and displays attentive listening cues. Despite the provoking antics of her opponents, she never once overtly changes her tone, body language, or demeanor in response. I can sense that she genuinely wants to have a respectful dialogue, which helps with her credibility.

The Bodily Autonomy Argument

The most cited argument to justify abortion is the concept of bodily autonomy. In layman’s terms, bodily autonomy refers to your right to make informed choices about your own body, without coercion from others. An example of this is your right to refuse donating blood at a blood drive.

I am a big advocate for bodily autonomy. With a background in elementary education, my approach to teaching often involves informing kids about their bodily autonomy. If a child says, “They made me do it!” I reply, “You’re responsible for your actions. No one can force you to do anything, and you shouldn’t force others. If someone pressures you, it’s okay to say no and ask for help.” Defending and teaching bodily autonomy is a cause that is very important and personal to me.

Sick Musician Analogy

In 1971, the moral philosopher Judith Jarvis Thomson proposed a concept for the autonomy argument for abortion. She likened a pregnant woman to a hypothetical scenario in which you, unknowingly, have been hooked up to a famous, sick musician who requires your connection to remain alive. The point of Thomson’s analogy is that you could unplug yourself from the sick musician without violating their right to life, just as you could disconnect yourself from a fetus without violating its right to life. While the decision to disconnect may be difficult, you still have a right to it because of your bodily autonomy. This analogy, however, fails to consider some key aspects of abortion and pregnancy

Intentional Termination

First and foremost, abortion is not withholding care from an individual, as given in the scenario with the sick musician. As well explained in the Public Disclosure, abortion is the intentional termination of a child. This is significantly distinct from a scenario where disconnection is the primary objective, with death being an anticipated yet unintentional outcome. Conversely, an abortion in which a child remains alive is considered an unsuccessful abortion.

Consensual Sex

Additionally, this analogy assumes that consensual sex is not a factor in abortion. Sex can create life, and when two consenting adults engage in sex, the natural outcome can result in a pregnancy. The baby isn’t forcing its way into the mother’s body; it’s simply where it’s meant to be. The uterus is a reproductive organ designed to support fetal development.

When a child is in the uterus, it’s fulfilling its natural function. Two consenting adults who create life have a responsibility to take care of that child’s life. If they are unable to care for the child outside of the womb, they have the responsibility to find that child the right care. But no one has the right to terminate the life of an innocent human being.

Non-Consensual Sex

Rape is a horrific violation of human dignity that affects far too many. This reality reiterates the need for grace and compassion in a dialogue about abortion. Full disclosure: I struggled with writing on this topic as I know how sensitive it is for so many. After prayer, tears, and counsel, I now believe that staying silent on this issue would ignore a very real and prevalent symptom of our broken society. I also believe the abortion industry’s claim that death is the solution is harmful to women (more on this later). , explains the process of a changed heart, saying, “the ego needs time to marshal its defense – either to try to restore the toppled idol, or to come to terms with the toppling. Then – in the silent weeks or months after the argument, when perhaps no one else is present – is when, if ever, the loser of the argument will tacitly abandon his former position.”

In other words, you may not see your impact immediately, if ever, but it’s not a waste. Building a relationship is possible. Listening and gaining understanding is worth it. An effective, respectful dialogue about abortion can unravel lies and save lives.

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